To be kind or clever?

DAR ES SALAAM: HUMAN beings today face many battles, problems, and challenges. Often, we need to develop new skills to adapt, make better decisions, and solve complex issues. However, in a world filled with countless and often conflicting voices of advice, it becomes difficult to know which one to follow. Many of us long for clear guidance in our daily lives.

Yet, even when we try to follow faith-based teachings and principles, we can still feel stuck at times. Modern life is further complicated by widespread dishonesty, con artists, skilled deceivers, and even young people who, shaped by harsh circumstances, have grown disconnected from strong moral values, and this makes it hard for one to decide whether to be kind or clever, as illustrated in the following scenarios.

Lending money to people who never pay back:

Some friends and relatives are really good at asking for loans. They’ll give you a convincing story about how and when they’ll pay you back— but somehow, it never happens. They’re smooth talkers and excellent manipulators. They know exactly what to say to make you feel okay parting with your money.

If you’re kind or soft-spoken, it’s easy to feel guilty and give in. And once they see that, they’ll keep coming back, knowing you’ll most likely say yes. However, at some point, you start to notice they’re not keeping their promises, but you’re not sure what to do.

The truth is, people who are naturally generous often struggle to say no because they don’t want to seem mean. A financial advisor gives this tip: only give a small amount— maybe a quarter of what they’re asking and treat it like money you might not get back.

That way, you help without feeling too bad if it’s never returned.

Telling a friend that his wife is cheating on him – When it comes to protecting a friend, men often give it their all. But when the situation is delicate, especially involving a friend’s wife,— it becomes much harder to decide what to do.

A man may hesitate, weighing whether to step in and risk consequences or stay silent and hope the issue resolves itself. This is the dilemma Mr Polite is currently facing. He works at the same company as his friend’s wife, and rumours have been circulating about her behaviour.

More troubling is that he has witnessed some of it himself, and it doesn’t sit well with him. On one hand, he feels a responsibility to protect his friend from potential embarrassment or hurt. On the other, his conscience troubles him for keeping quiet.

He is torn between acting out of kindness—speaking up because it feels right—or acting with caution, staying silent to avoid damaging their friendship. Part of him tries to imagine how his friend would react: the questions he might ask, and whether he would have the right answers.

Above all, he values their friendship and fears losing it. So now he is left with a difficult question: should he choose to be kind and tell his friend or to be smart and keep quiet?

To give or not to give lift to people you don’t know

Many stories have been told about people who, in the act of showing kindness, end up being robbed or harmed. That thought weighed heavily on my mind, as I was coming from church, where the sermon was about loving one another- a command from God. As I turned onto the main road leading home, a young man suddenly appeared, waving me down and asking for a lift. He seemed physically challenged. I stopped, and we spoke briefly; he appeared to know me quite well, which made me feel at ease.

So I agreed to give him a ride. Since the front passenger seat was already occupied, he sat in the back. He was pleasant and made good conversation, and before long, we arrived at the place he said he lived. He got out, and I continued home. After parking, I began taking a few items out of the car, that’s when I realised my phone was missing. Ironically, the phone had been right beside me in the front, and yet neither I nor the passenger in the front seat noticed anything. Should I blame myself for being kind?

KIND OR CLEVER AND CAUTIOUS? – Where do we draw the line between being kind and being cautious? While feelings may push us towards acts of kindness, it is the ability to regulate our emotions and have a clear mind that will enable us do acts of kindness smartly without the consequences of regrets, pain or disappointments.