One person’s love journey is going to have a completely different timeline than another’s.
Nobody besides you knows what the right pacing is for your relationship. There are a lot of ideas out there about when things “should” happen, like when you “should” move in together, have sex, meet the parents and so much more.
Everyone has those friends who raise an eyebrow or give a message of caution when they learn that this or that milestone hasn’t yet happened.
These manufactured and arbitrary timelines aren’t healthy, and they can pressure some individuals into doing things sooner than they’re ready.
Sometimes, it’s not society pressuring you but your very own partner. Being on a different timeline from your partner can create a lot of stress in a relationship.
Some might say that if you’re on different timelines, you’re not meant to be, but that’s a little too cut and dry. Countless couples start off needing slightly different pacing, and eventually finding their rhythm.
You probably know a couple just like that who faced some bumps early on over who was or wasn’t ready to take certain steps, and now they’re happily married.
It’s okay to be on your own schedule. What’s not okay is having a partner who tries to rush you onto theirs. Here are things a partner should never rush you to do.
Getting married Any of these major steps like moving in together or getting married should never be rushed. And what’s the rush, anyways? The idea is that, once you do these, it’s forever, so there is plenty of time to enjoy the transition once it happens.
There is very little (if not zero) harm in waiting to make sure it’s the right fit before getting married. There can be massive damage caused by rushing and marrying the wrong person. The cons of rushing marriage far outweigh the pros.
In fact, there are no pros. If someone feels confident in your bond, they shouldn’t stress it if you want to wait. Share trauma or personal information.
Everyone has had events in their lives that shaped them. Some of those events were painful and difficult to talk about.
And while certain individuals are very at peace with opening up about these to anyone who will listen, others reserve that information for people they’ve known for a long time and with whom they’ve developed trust.
So just because someone you’re dating is ready to tell you their life story on the first date doesn’t mean they can pressure you to do the same.
Don’t let anyone tell you that the only way they can know you like them is if you share your deepest secrets – that’s manipulation.
Join finances Intermingling finances can happen in a number of ways, but it’s always a big step. It can look like lending your partner a thousand dollars.
It can look like purchasing a car together to share. It can look like starting a business together or opening an investment account together.
It can look like opening a joint credit card. It’s not just money – it’s so much more. Once you intermingle finances, the habits and values of the other person impact your life greatly.
You can be on the hook for their missteps. Keep in mind that some married couples never comingle their finances because they never want to argue about money. That’s okay, too. Your money is your money and no partner should ever rush you into mixing your money up with theirs.