Why today’s marriages don’t last (Part 2)

DAR ES SALAAM: Quote – When something is broken, you fix it, you do not throw it away (1950).

A PICTURE worth a thousand words – There is a painting that circulated widely when the world was deeply engaged in conversations about gender roles.

It portrays an African family of a husband, his wife, and their two young children walking home after a long day working on their farm.

The mother carries a heavy load: one child strapped to her back, firewood balanced on her head, and the older child held firmly by the hand.

She carefully steadies the firewood with one hand while also gripping a small lunch bag that a few hours ago carried the family’s meal. Her posture speaks of strength, endurance, and quiet responsibility.

The husband, meanwhile, walks with a cutlass in hand, taking long, confident strides as though urging the family forward so they can reach home before nightfall.

In some versions of the painting, he walks ahead of them, seemingly shielding them from danger in front. In others, he walks behind, guarding them from threats that might come from the rear.

Together, the image presents a powerful illustration of traditional gender roles—each parent carrying different responsibilities, yet both contributing in their own way to the family’s protection and survival.

It is commitment, the main ingredient for a long and happy marriage-the active daily and LIFE LONG decision to remain faithful, to view the union as permanent and hence choosing to work through challenges together.

And, it worked then, but is a headache to marriages today. How gender role related challenges ruin marriages today

Scenario One. After a long day at work, husband and wife return home exhausted.

The wife had some light lunch at the office so she is not hungry. The man is very hungry and assumes his wife will notice and whip up something for him to soothe his hunger- because that is what he saw his parents do.

He is patient, waits for some time and then decides to make the request – and then realises that his wife is fast asleep on the couch. He touches her softly but enough for her to feel his touch.

She finally wakes up but disappointed to learn that her husband had the audacity to disturb her sleep just to ask her to prepare food for him! What follows is a fight of words from an angry husband who is also hungry, and a very perplexed wife who thinks the husband has overstepped his boundaries.

ALSO READ: Why today’s marriages don’t last

The altercation goes for some time and when they eventually decide to go to bed, the angry wife decides to sleep in the guest room. They have been incommunicado for two weeks now.

Scenario Two: The jobless husband is at home, busy yawning very loudly. He scares even his friend the cat. The cat runs away and he is left alone, and he continues yawning.

After being dismissed from work due to poor performance, he decided to have a conversation with himself and agreed that life is not to be rushed.

After all, his wife earns a good salary and is able to meet all the family needs. It has been two years now and his wife is getting a bit irritated by his lack of seriousness in job hunting.

She was taught that a husband is the head and provider of the family. Her respect for him is waning and she does not feel him anymore.

So, when she refused to partake in the conjugal rights exercise, the lazy husband got frustrated and decided he will end his life and hope that God will accept him in heaven. He took some rat poison and has been admitted in hospital for some time now.

Until the almighty decides to take him, he will have to face shame and embarrassment. Hopefully he will eventually discover that his wife needs him both emotionally and physically for them to have a happy marriage.

In summary – As our young couples struggle to go through the maze that is married life today, it is important to note that men will remain male and women will always be female. The male or female gene never leaves. Men will never be able to get pregnant and women will never be able to impregnate men.

While the slogan: whatever men can do, women can do better, still holds water, it is also true that when a man decides to be a chef to feed his family, he will do it superbly, despite the fact that cooking is for women.

And when he leaves office to go to his family, he is still the father and husband able to keep his family afloat and happy