Why today’s marriages don’t last (PART 3)

• The quiet noise of men in marriages

DAR ES SALAAM: PRESENT-day men go to great lengths to maintain a good physical appearance. They train for a six pack, build muscles for the arms and the legs and visit the gym regularly to reduce a pot belly and lose weight.

And when men decide to dress well, they do it properly and with impeccable attention to detail.

They know that a belt should at least match the shoes or socks, the tie should match the shirt or suit, and some moderate use of cologne is also a good etiquette and a booster of confidence.

Most men fear wearing torn socks in case they find themselves in the hospital (God forbid) and told to remove their shoes.

They may be unconscious and not aware of the embarrassment but sooner or later their mothers will know and they might get in trouble.

But, did you know that whether a man is dressed to kill or in a simple casual wear like a jogging attire, and somehow finds himself lost, and cannot find the direction of where he is supposed to go – that he will never ask for help, ever? Because asking for help is a sign of weakness, and men are not supposed to show weakness.

This is just one of the many common personality traits in men that make it harder for women to grasp and understand their husbands.

Inside the mind of a man

If you see a man seated comfortably in his living room, deeply engrossed in the newspaper, sipping his favourite drink and throwing occasional glances at the mundane activities and movements in the house, just know that in his mind there’s a churning machine always ready and happy to solve problems.

Also, know that as a wife if you present your problem, however small you think it is, do not expect your husband to stop everything to attend to your problem. Men take time to think about things.

They analyse and however long it takes, be patient because eventually they will come up with a brilliant solution and just believe. If you find a married man smiling by himself, then he is most likely a proud and appreciated husband.

Chances are high that his wife has finally understood him, laughs at his silly jokes, shows respect and does not belabor on silly arguments.

If it happens that such a couple find themselves in an argument, they will both aim at maintaining peace than winning the argument and giving in than aiming for a trophy.

ALSO READ: Why today’s marriages don’t last (Part 2)

Marriage and the unemotional man

Many men do not talk about their personal problems, and this silence is contributing to the growing mental health challenges among young husbands. They often keep their struggles private, rarely sharing them, even to their wives.

For many, seeking help from a counsellor or a spiritual leader feels even more difficult. Unfortunately, this lack of openness can strain and sometimes damage marriages. Marriage is meant to create an emotional bond between husband and wife.

Such a connection allows couples to share personal struggles and work through challenges together. However, this does not happen easily when men believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness.

As a result, many men remain silent even when they feel disrespected, lonely, frustrated, or unwell. They may withdraw and stay quiet for days.

For many women, this silence is troubling. They want their husbands to open up because sharing feelings helps them feel included and strengthens the partnership.

Yet the more a woman encourages her husband to talk, the more he may withdraw, believing that he must solve problems on his own and that speaking about them shows weakness.

Where do we go from here?

Today, marriage can be enjoyable if both husband-andwife work to make it better and last longer. Communication is key.

There was indeed a time when marriages worked very well even when men were completely stoic and that is enduring pain and navigating life’s challenges for the family, sorting out their emotional challenges on their own, but that time has gone through so much wear and tear and evidently needs a new beginning.

Perhaps as women we need to assure men that we also go through emotional turmoil, but we intentionally deal with it in order to enjoy life, including marriage and make the world a better place, which includes making our men happy