How to avoid frustrations in relationships

DAR ES SALAAM: MISS Apple is a senior manager in a big successful company. She constantly inculcates professionalism in the work place which includes reporting to work on time and working diligently.

Miss Apple always encourages employees to take care of their mental health in order for them to be able to navigate personal challenges with a sober mind.

Today she is late for work. She rushes out of the house to her car, ignoring the sumptuous breakfast that her house help has prepared.

She starts the car but it looks like the battery has a problem. She promptly calls her fiancé. The phone rings but the call goes unanswered.

She calls again after five minutes but the phone is now off. Her mind wonders, thinking of the possible and impossible scenarios. She is however able to contain herself. Her thoughts go back to her current situation.

She might have to call a taxi or call her mechanic. And, of course, her fiancé will have to explain why his phone went off after she called him.

Frustrations are part of life. They come and go. Some are easy to tackle. Others can stick with a person like a tick. Frustrations can cause confusion, anger, and can push a person to the point of absolute rage.

Frustrations happen when a person is blocked, delayed or prevented from achieving a goal. It is that feeling that a problem can definitely be solved, but for some unclear, dubious or suspicious reason, the problem remains unsolved. Frustrations have become a common place in relationships.

Young men and women are finding it hard to trust partners, understand parents or deal with the modern fast paced life, among others.

However, some causes of frustrations in relationships can be handled better- with open mindedness, patience, and understanding. For the young people in relationships, here are some recommended ways to avoid frustrations.

Lies in relationships

Lies are no longer frowned upon. Partners tell lies and they get away with it without guilt. Some have become perpetual liars, they lie seamlessly. The more one is able to lie the more they become confident.

At this stage it is not easy to spot lies. Liars use their brain well to fabricate stories. However, it is possible to spot lies if one knows their partner well. It may not be easy in the beginning of a relationship.

But after some time when blind love wears off, partners should be clever enough and be keen to spot lies without arousing suspicion. From the onset, know the personality of your partner. This will help in understanding their behaviour. It will be easier to identify deception.

Lies can be planned carefully but there’s always a loophole that if identified can catch a liar with their pants down. Spying with a positive attitude can also help the liar see their folly.

ALSO READ: Why we sometimes hide our feelings from the people we love most

Parents’ interference

When parents interfere with their children’s plans, it is rarely ill intended. For example, parents may dislike the tribe or behaviour of their son’s or daughter’s partner to-be without a good reason.

In such situations it can be extremely frustrating. Couple to-be may decide to go ahead with the wedding and marriage anyway without parents’ consent but they will miss the parent’s blessings which is an important thing to have. In addition, parents can also push for a big wedding to simply show off.

If the couple does not have enough money for a big wedding it becomes frustrating. In such a situation, a couple to- be should not argue with their parents.

It is better to have a neutral person, for example a marriage counsellor or an elder to facilitate and to mediate between the couple to-be and the parents, to reach a common ground where the two parties agree with each other.

In summary, the overall distress of modernity

For young people in relationships, modernity is the bane of relationships. A simple issue like the design of a wedding dress showing a bit of the bride’s skin can cause problems with faith-based leaders, parents and others who may have genuine concerns regarding values and moral decadence.

In addition, there is a lot of unrealistic information in the public domain, a lot of copycat behaviour and couples-to be not knowing what is necessary and important for them.

To avoid such unnecessary frustrations, a couple should be wise and able to choose what is important and discard the fleeting stuff. They should carry themselves in high regard and give themselves the best of themselves.