Trouble always comes in threes

Dear nephew Milambo.

Greetings from Dar es Salaam.

My dear nephew, I hope that the powers of Liwelelo have been watching over you, and that the terrifying presence of chief Mirambo has been hovering over your life.

I also hope that you and your beautiful new wife and the baby are also of good health, and hope that all the people in my beloved Ukumbisiganga are in great health.

My dear son, I understand that you had a misunderstanding with your father-in-law, and I was informed that the situation was so bad you nearly resorted to exchanging blows.

I would have understood you if had punched that old man in the face, because for quite some time I have had dreams of doing that, especially at that time when we met for dowry discussions, but in your case, punching an elder is a curse, even if he deserves it, like that old man.

I was led to understand that all this trouble was caused by the mere fact that your dog Ruga attacked and killed one of his chicken, although I must believe that it was an accident.

My informer tells me that the old man was so furious that he threatened to consult that great mfumu in the neighboring village over the matter, though I know that it is a cowardly thing to do, especially if you consider the age factor.

My dear boy, I always say that our ancestors offer us their revered protection free of charge, therefore if a fool decides to threaten that peace, then I believe that the wrath of the ancestors will descend upon him like lava from hell.

I know that the animals we keep in our homesteads are there for all the good reasons, and I know you love that dog of yours with all your heart, but as I always tell you, that animal is a rogue.

I remember when we were there for your wedding, that bloody animal took my boxers and buried them behind the house, and it took us several days to discover it.

And as if that was not enough, I remember on the same wedding day how the stupid animal disappeared with one of the bride’s shoe, and had it not been for the quick feet of the boys in the village, we would not have recovered that shoe up to now.

All I am trying to tell you my son is that if you are not careful, that animal might land you in so much trouble you will find it tough to deal with one day, and it will just stare at you with those mournful eyes with a silly grin on its face.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do with that animal is up to you, but my advice to you is that you should place a poisoned arrow between its shoulders before it is too late, because it seems it always have a great kick from spoiling people’s mood.

I hope that your son is okay now, because I was informed that he was suffering from a running stomach. For a child that age it is normal my boy, so what you are supposed to do is take him to the dispensary and they will give him proper medicine, and do not for the life of you think about taking him to those fake mfumus who are sprouting up every other day.

Your aunt says that if it persists, you can warm some water and put some salt before feeding it to the baby, but you have to be very careful on the amount of water and salt.

Here in this crazy city life is becoming a living misery, because the problems in this place seem to increase by the day, and I know you have heard that in most parts of this dreadful place there is a serious shortage of water.

They announced to us recently that the company which supplies water is facing some challenges, and that there will be serious scarcity of the precious liquid, and I assure you my boy, the problem is becoming tough.

It is unfortunate that this problem has come when the weather is terribly hot, and you feel like taking a shower after every few hours, but now I am forced to take a shower only once per day, and that is under a close supervision of your aunt, who is always admonishing me for misusing the precious commodity.

I think that with the way the sun is blazing, I know we are supposed to brace ourselves for more calamities, because with drought comes with myriads of other problems.

I hope that the situation in my beloved Ukumbisiganga things are not as tough as it is in this place, and I pray to the ancestors and all the Nyamwezi gods that they will have mercy on our poor souls and allow rains to fall once again.

You can imagine with this situation, you might think that nothing else could go wrong, but as I am writing this, I have just heard that they have once again hiked fuel prices.

I called your aunt and told her about the issue, and right now she is ranting to herself in the kitchen, and I can hear her cursing the gods of bad luck for putting us through these tough times.

Anyway, I hope the soon Limatunda will have mercy on us and respond to our prayers, because otherwise things will go from bad to worse.

Say hi to your lovely wife and your handsome young son, I hope that we will soon reunite, even if for a short while. Let me try to convince your aunt so that I can at least take a short shower, because the heat is unbearable.

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