COLUMN: STAY FOCUSED.The boy child, husband, father
ADAM, the first human being to be created, was male, a man. Seeing that he did not have a suitable mate, God decided to give him a companion, a helpmate called Eve, and told them to multiply and have dominion over the world. They did. Since then, the man has always been the head of the family.
He is expected to take care of the family and that is provide guidance, make decisions, and ensure their safety and overall wellbeing.
Men were therefore revered and deeply respected and some were seen as small gods. They were never seen doing things that some mortals do these days that is like getting drunk during the day when little ones can see them!
Adam’s position in religious and cultural narratives helped establish the superior status traditionally given to men in society, especially in many African communities.
The boy child often received preferential treatment, with access to privileges that the girl child did not enjoy. His formal and informal education was designed to prepare him for leadership in various spheres of life namely family, politics, and governance.
While both boys and girls underwent rites of passage, the ceremonies were symbolic of different expectations: boys were being groomed as future heads of households and community protectors, while girls were being prepared for marriage and domestic responsibilities.
Girls typically spent more time with their mothers, learning the skills of motherhood and how to become “wife material.” They were also advised against behaviors considered undesirable, such as excessive gossip or complaining, which could lead to punishment by a husband in a society that often overlooked domestic violence.
Time passed, and science eventually confirmed what many had suspected all along- boys and girls were equally intelligent. The Beijing Conference, along with a storm of affirmative action policies, proudly declared: “Hey, girls can do what boys do too!” And just like that, the world shifted gears toward equality and equity for all.
But in the middle of this important and necessary celebration of girl power, someone forgot to check on the boys. The spotlight stayed so long on uplifting the girl child that the boy child quietly slipped into the shadows – like that one cousin no one notices at the family reunion.
Somewhere between championing women’s rights and creating opportunities for girls, the boy child got a little lost. He wasn’t sure whether to hold the door open or wait for it to be opened for him. His role as a man, husband, and father started getting…well, blurry.
The confusion is real, as shown in the following narrations
The boy child husband: Young husbands do not appear as privileged as they used to be. The appetite to enjoy life, demonstrate their power, and make big decisions in marriage has dwindled.
As married women sail through life with ease and confidence, men appear to be confused regarding their role as husbands. Their genetic makeup dictates that they should have the upper hand in the marriage.
This collides with the character of the empowered woman in all senses – she’s financially independent, she owns property, and she’s able to take care of her parents and siblings. In a nutshell, what she now needs is a husband to love her, plan life together, go through thick and thin together, and appreciate and respect her as she does him. However, it is difficult for a bruised ego to do that.
A husband who does not know how to adapt his masculinity to present-day realities will inevitably fall into confusion and hopelessness, often neglecting his duties in protest to what he feels is the loss of his God-given right to be the head.
The boy child father: It is common these days to see young fathers carrying their babies – nicely and securely strapped in baby carriers. While this picturesque scene would normally warm the hearts of many, it is also a picture worth a thousand words because of the many interpretations that emanate from it- both positive and negative. Older folks would most likely commend the young man for being an exemplary father.
Most young people however, see a young man who takes instructions from his wife- a father who has no say in the home. Him carrying his baby is taken as either a forced action or acted drama. June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness month.
This is the perfect time for men, young and old, to reflect, discover, name and work through the triggers that might affect you as a father and husband. Get to the root of what is causing you anxiety, sadness, and even depression in your relationships.
You have it in you to be the respected head of the family; step into your calling and responsibility courageously. Your children will emulate you and both you and your wife will find joy in the marriage.
All the best
