Pamoja 2027: Baba deserves the bigger chicken

AFRICA: LET me declare an interest. I am African, a proud African, not only by complexion, but by heart, soul and spirit. Most interestingly, I am East African.

So, as I squeeze myself between the arms of this old wooden chair, a family heirloom left behind by my grandfather decades ago when he answered the ancestors’ call, allow me a moment or two of your attention.

My fellow Africans, my East African brothers and sisters, let us settle this matter before the first whistle blows before the beautiful game turns into another East African family quarrel.

I hope my Kenyan and Ugandan siblings will agree that Tanzania should host both the opening and closing ceremonies of Pamoja 2027. Why? Simple.

Tanzania is the big brother of East Africa. And in our African way of doing things, when the family gathers around the table, baba does not have to fight for the best piece of chicken. It simply finds its way onto his plate.

The juicy thigh? Baba. That oversized chunk everyone has been secretly eyeing, calculating how to grab before anyone notices? Baba.

And the crispy piece nobody quite saw him take? Somehow, still Baba. Nobody complains. Nobody calls a family meeting. Nobody asks for VAR.

That is simply how things are done in an African way. Beautiful, isn’t it? So why should Pamoja 2027 suddenly abandon our cherished customs?

If this tournament is truly an East African family affair, then surely the elders deserve a little respect and perhaps the bigger portion of the chicken.

And Tanzania has earned it. In Tanzania, football is not a hobby; it is a second religion, complete with rituals, sermons and a very loud choir.

A 2-2 draw can fuel three days of debate, while a referee’s decision is put on trial at the kijiwe over coffee and kashata.

Red and white on one side, yellow and green on the other, the nation may be divided by colours but united by noise.

Drums, songs, flags and chants arrive before the players, and when Taifa Stars takes the field, club rivalries go back in the cupboard and the country sings as one.

Any visiting fan seeking atmosphere should know: Tanzania does not supply atmosphere. It supplies weather. But football is only half the story.

Tanzania has attractions that can make a visiting fan forget there is a match tomorrow. Between the Serengeti, Mount Kilimanjaro and Zanzibar’s beaches, there is enough to keep a visitor busy long after the final whistle.

Few countries can offer a lion in the morning, a football match in the evening and a sunset on the Indian Ocean the next day.

And now, the dangerous subject: Food. Tanzania does not merely feed visitors. No, no. Tanzania negotiates directly with their stomachs and those stomachs are very persuasive negotiators.

Pilau. Biryani. Mishikaki. Chipsi mayai. Nyama choma. Fresh seafood. And enough local delicacies to make a visiting supporter seriously question whether he came for Pamoja 2027 or accidentally bought a ticket to a national food festival.

A Kenyan supporter may arrive determined to watch the match, only to be distracted by the smell of nyama choma drifting across the street.

A Ugandan may come looking for the stadium and end up asking, “Brother, where did you say that mishikaki was?”

By the time the final whistle goes, some visitors may forget the score. But the mishikaki? Don’t forget, there is the small matter of getting around.

A tournament is not much fun if supporters spend half their holiday wondering whether they are travelling to the next match or auditioning for Survivor: East Africa. Fortunately, Tanzania has roads, airports and rail links that can move fans between cities, venues and attractions without turning every journey into another competitive event.

Because Pamoja 2027 is supposed to be about football. Kenya cannot be allowed to win the match, Uganda to win the singing and Tanzania to lose the supporters somewhere between the airport and the stadium. No, thank you.

The family must get to the table on time. And, naturally, everyone should know where the chicken is. Hey, nobody is saying the little brothers and sisters should go hungry.

Kenya and Uganda will host matches, fill stadiums and bring their own flavour, their own songs and their own arguments about who is the best.

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Every child in the family gets a piece of the chicken. But the ceremonies, the grand opening and the grand finale, are the best of the best, and they belong at the head of the table.

So, dear brothers and sisters of East Africa, let us not quarrel over the chicken. Give Tanzania the opening ceremony. Give Tanzania the closing ceremony.

Let baba cut the ribbon at the start and lead the trophy celebrations at the end. After all, when the family meal is served, baba gets the bigger piece.

Not because he asked for it, but because everyone knows the family rules. So, I hope our continental football choirmasters will hear the African rhythm, heed the elders’ counsel and remember that football may be modern, but African manners are not up for VAR review.

Let the drums roll. Let the flags fly. Let Kenya sing, let Uganda dance, and let Tanzania do what every good host does welcome the family, feed the family and, when the evening comes, see the family safely home.

But when the chicken arrives, please, my brothers and sisters, let us not suddenly become Europeans and start negotiating portions. We know the rules. The juicy thing and kidari is for Baba. Opening ceremony? Baba. Closing ceremony? Still Baba. No appeal. No replay. No extra time. No VAR.