Transformative positive mindset: A system, process acquired at the family level, not on the streets

DAR ES SALAAM: DURING her address to the esteemed elders of Dar es Salaam and the broader Tanzanian populace on 02 December 2025 at JNCC, Her Excellency Dr Samia emphasised the critical role of parenting and, importantly, of engaging with and educating children as a family.

President Samia’s remarks prompted reflection, leading me to consider that had we fully embraced our responsibilities as parents, some of the youth who took part in the turmoil following the October 29, 2025, elections might have been spared from such involvement.

Quickly, President Samia’s remarks led me to conclude that discipline and a positive mindset in the children God has given us as parents are not merely acquired through external influences but stem from the intricacies of their upbringing and, here within the family, processes.

Parents teach discipline best by creating routines, rules and consequences that are applied consistently, rather than by giving long speeches or talking when mistakes occur.

When a young person grows up in an environment where time, responsibilities and boundaries are predictable, including waking up early, doing chores and managing schoolwork, they internalise discipline as a daily system of order.

The street teaches reaction and survival, which aren’t always the best survival mechanisms; the home teaches planning, responsibility and proper upbringing to distinguish right from wrong, to know when to apply what is right, and to avoid what is mistaken as a person grows up.

Consistency quietly shapes character far more effectively than words, and bad habits learnt at the street schools. Reflecting on our President’s remarks reminds me that good parenting teaches that actions have consequences and that mistakes are lessons; not reasons for blame or escape.

When young people are required to correct their errors, apologise, or try again, they learn responsibility and resilience. This structured accountability system fosters inner discipline that endures into adulthood.

Unlike the street, which often normalises excuses and shifts blame, parental discipline trains young people to own their choices and learn from them.

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Following President Samia’s address to the elders of Dar es Salaam, I conducted inquiries at one of Tanzania’s most respected university by history, speaking with a colleague who is now a lecturer on how they impart discipline to young students undertaking their studies at the university.

I uncovered insights that underscore President Samia’s view on the importance of parents staying close to their children and imparting good knowledge.

I quickly learnt that the problems lecturers face today on campus are not created within the university environment; they arrive already shaped by years of home training, routine (or the lack of it), and the habits children develop as they grow up. A university can guide, mentor and correct.

Still, it cannot reliably rebuild what was never built: Self-control, respect for limits and the ability to tolerate boredom without running to a screen. I also learnt that in everyday life, when discussing discipline in a learning environment, there is a tendency to reduce it to attendance, deadlines and classroom behaviour.

Yet beneath these symptoms, especially in the products universities and schools receive today, lie deeper drivers: Poor sleep, unlimited device access, uncontrolled junk food, unhealthy eating, influences, weak reading habits, minimal household responsibilities and a culture of instant gratification.

These factors are readily apparent in a learning environment, as in the place I mentioned above. A child raised with a phone in the bedroom, for example, and entertainment on demand trains the brain to seek constant stimulation; later, we expect the same mind to sit through lectures, read chapters, meet deadlines and concentrate without external scaffolding, or to avoid unethical acts or not to involve it in things that are not ethical?

Many of you would agree that we often hear parents say, “We tried everything (advice, scolding, soft talk), but nothing works.” As a parent myself, I understand the exhaustion behind that line, but it also reveals a misunderstanding: Discipline is not primarily a speech act; it is a system.

When access is unlimited and consequences inconsistent, words (whether gentle or loud) become background noise. Long arguments teach only one lesson: If I push long enough, the boundary becomes flexible. Calm repetition, paired with consistent outcomes, teaches something better: Rules matter.

As parents, this is how we can change our children’s mindset, who are the future of our nation. In this era, the modern home, regardless of wage group, level of activity, or education, whether in the public or private sector, faces new pressures.

Screens are engineered to hold attention, AI makes shortcuts tempting, and social networks, as a lifestyle, are designed to trigger cravings. Control cannot be occasional; it must be built into daily life.

A practical start is a small set of non-negotiables: Devices do not go to bed, homework comes before entertainment, meals happen without screens, sleep has a fixed time, and some physical movement is part of the day at home.

These are not punishments; they are operating conditions for building a healthy mindset. Such conditions help bring up a child or young person into young adulthood who can differentiate between right and wrong.

I think that, in many households, discipline collapses because love is expressed through indulgence, sometimes reinforced by elders: “Let the child enjoy.” Elders can be a stabilising force if the family agrees on one principle: Affection should never cancel boundaries.

Offer time, attention, shared meals, stories and walks, not just unlimited screen time, late-night viewing or daily junk.

Schools, colleges and universities also bear responsibility. Many complain about phones yet tolerate them; others overload students with work but do not teach reading and analytical habits, time management or digital hygiene.

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Clear phone policies, protected reading time, basic study routines and guidance on the ethical use of social media as a learning assistant rather than a cheating machine would help young people arrive at university with stronger habits. I am not attempting to demonise technology and what it brings, but to teach children how to live with it rather than be owned by it.

My plea to parents and teachers at schools, colleges and universities must be heeded as well. If the problem begins earlier, we should not pretend we are helpless.

For instance, a first-year orientation should be practical: How to read, the pros and cons of social media use, taking notes, planning work, managing distractions, and above all, engaging with diverse groups and influences.

As a former university lecturer in Tanzania and elsewhere in Europe, I advise the learning community that assessment and sustained effort in parenting young people matter.

In the age of AI and social media, citizenship journalism, integrity, and the proper upbringing of our children will improve when we, as parents, value a process that makes understanding visible and valuable and harder to bypass.

Good discipline is a shared project across a child’s entire upbringing. Parents provide routine, elders provide consistency, schools build habits and universities refine maturity.

When one layer fails, the subsequent layers struggle. If I understood President Samia correctly when she spoke to the elders of Dar es Salaam on 2 December 2025, you will agree that discipline is not a motivational talk or a street survival skill; it is a system of habits, examples and accountability established early at home.

As parents, if we could build this system, young people, future leaders and assets of our nation, would carry discipline with them for life, quietly, consistently and effectively.