Simba’s comeback, Yanga’s Geneva drama and destiny banknotes

DAR ES SALAAM – Ah! Just in case you missed it because you were dodging potholes in Ilala or emotionally recovering from the latest Tanesco blackout, hear this out! Simba SC has just pulled off what might be the greatest footballing heist since someone convinced Arsenal they could win the league.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Msimbazi Reds, having stumbled to a two-nil first-leg loss against Egypt’s Al Masry in the CAF Confederation Cup, decided they’d had enough.

Enough of excuses. Enough of painful post-match memes. Enough of stadium cats looking like they’ve seen too much trauma. So, what did Simba do? Oh, just a little something called beast mode.

They woke up, shook the dust off their jerseys, and in the first half, they dropped two goals like seasoned boda boda guys delivering parcels during a rush-hour storm.

The scorers? Elie Mpanzu and Steven "Mukwala the Merciless." Yes, that Mukwala. The man now banned from entering Cairo without a full police escort. With a 2-0 scoreline, the tie was level.

The crowd? Screaming. The tension? Thicker than peanut butter at a Bukoba breakfast buffet. Morogoro Road stood still—not from traffic, but from collective anxiety. And then came the penalties.

Now, if you thought Jua Kali and Huba had peak dramas, Simba said, “TUNAVUKA!" They lined up, stared destiny in the face, and dispatched four penalties with the calm precision of a boda boda rider texting with one hand while overtaking a truck. Meanwhile, Al Masry’s attempts?

Two flew so wide, people near the Ubungo daladala stand ducked. One is still airborne.

The Egyptian keeper was last seen Googling “how to block a Tanzanian curse.” Final score? Simba win 4-1 on penalties. They march to the semi-finals.

Dar es Salaam erupts like it’s just qualified for the World Cup and cancelled boda boda taxes in one go. Now, let’s be honest: Simba’s timing was surgical.

Just days after the NBC Premier League derby drama with Yanga got more tangled than mchemsho at a wedding, this comeback was not just a win.

It was a public service announcement: “Nani kama Simba?” To rub extra nyanya on the wound, Simba now holds temporary bragging rights as Tanzania’s most successful club internationally, and their fans are shouting this louder than a Manzese preacher with a megaphone.

And, of course, we must address the legendary Kapu la Mama. For each goal, Simba players receive 5m/- in crispy, mama-folded banknotes—none of that mobile money nonsense.

Six goals in total across two legs? Do your math. Enough to buy 500 litres of petrol, dozens of chapati mayai, and hire a singeli guy to sing for a month.

While Simba counts their cash and replays their victory in 4K, Yanga is currently caught up in what can only be described as East Africa’s most absurd legal thriller: “Law & Order: Geneva Unit.”

Yes, Yanga—possibly inspired by Netflix courtroom dramas—have taken their league grievances to CAS in Switzerland.

Geneva, folks. The land of chocolate, luxury watches, and now—Tanzanian football lawsuits. The most Googled phrase by Yanga fans this week? “Fastest CAS ruling ever.”

But let’s not overlook the weight of Simba’s win.

This was no random Tuesday victory.

This was a historic comeback against North African opposition, and anyone who watches African football knows that beating an Egyptian club is like convincing a boda boda guy to follow traffic lights—it rarely happens.

In doing so, Simba not only advanced to the semis but also sent a loud, unmissable, speaker-on-full-blast message to Yanga: "We’re chasing a continental trophy.

You all still stuck on affidavits." Let’s rewind the cassette, shall we? Simba’s international résumé is unmatched in Tanzania. Their 1974 CAF Champions Cup semi-final remains untouched.

That year, they pummelled Green Buffaloes in one leg—so badly, actual buffaloes near Mikumi changed grazing spots. Fast forward to 1993, Simba reached the CAF Cup final, narrowly losing out.

Now in 2024/25, they’re back in the big boys’ league, semi-finals, waiting to face Zamalek or Stellenbosch—and don’t rule out either because Simba now looks like they could take on the Avengers and win.

Meanwhile at Jangwani… it’s all quiet on the Yanga front.

Their group chats are filled with conspiracy theories, VAR screenshots, and motivational quotes from Mwalimu Nyerere. Publicly, it’s “we’re waiting for CAS,” but privately, they’re probably drafting resignation letters for the whole technical bench.

To their credit, Yanga did reach the 2023 CAF Confederation Cup final, only to lose on away goals.

A painful pill. And yes, they hold the domestic league record. But Simba’s win has shifted the street narrative like a surprise power cut during a Champions League fixture.

And what of the postponed derby? The mother of all matches? Still marinated in controversy like nyama choma left overnight.

Nobody knows when it’ll be played. CAS? Still sipping hot cocoa in Switzerland. Meanwhile, Simba fans are holding victory parades in barbershops, mama ntilie joints, and—yes—bank queues.

It’s become so bad, a Yanga fan was overheard telling a boda guy, “Just call me Azam for now.”

As we wait for the next round, here’s the truth: Tanzania isn’t watching—it’s obsessing. WhatsApp statuses? All Simba. Twitter/X? #Mukwala. TikTok? Simba dance challenges.

Facebook aunties? Posting Simba scores like family updates.

Even the cows in Morogoro are mooing “Mukwalaaaa.” If Simba goes on to beat Zamalek or Stellenbosch, the whole country might declare a public holiday—sponsored by Kapu la Mama, Ltd. So yes, a standing ovation is due.

Simba SC has reminded us of what East African football could be: dramatic, fearless, hilarious, and beautifully unpredictable.

They turned a 2-0 loss into a national celebration, a full-length Swahili telenovela, and a cautionary tale for anyone who ever doubted Msimbazi fire. Yanga? You’re up next. Geneva? Please, we beg, hurry up.

We have a derby to settle and a continent to conquer.

Until then, Simba fans, enjoy your maandazi, your bragging rights, and your crispy banknotes.

This is Tanzanian football. And it is glorious.