COLUMN: STAY INFORMED. The mystery that is life

DAR-ES-SALAAM-the harbour of peace is a melting pot of tribes, nationalities and cultures. It is truly a cosmopolitan city, alive with nonstop human activity and, whether by design or chance, it runs on a 24- hour economy.

Depending on where you are in Dar, you might find yourself having breakfast at midnight or lunch at dawn; it all flows with the rhythm of the city. Life here is simple.

No one pays much attention to how smartly you are dressed or whether there is an aura of luxury surrounding you; life moves on either way. Still, beneath its seemingly impersonal surface, Dar is slowly yet noticeably changing.

These quiet shifts in society are beginning to reshape many aspects of life, including marriage and family. Entering the fairly new and modern-looking supermarket, an old man pushing his trolley obstructs me at the entrance as he tries to pick items from the shelves.

He looks thin and frail, his fingers, boasting long, unkempt nails, shake as he struggles to read from his shopping list. Most shoppers are courteous enough to give him space to shop at his own pace and sometimes offer to help when the struggle becomes too hard, a friendly tradition from time immemorial, unique with Tanzanians.

I reach where my items are and at the same time meet with some whispers discussing the rising numbers of old men fending for themselves – in supermarkets, hospitals, churches, in public transport and the like. Incidentally, many of the old men are not widowers. Their wives decided to leave them for various reasons.

Ah! Did we not hear someone say that marriage becomes sweeter at old age when wisdom kicks in and all that matters is companionship? Besides, at this stage, wives don’t see the point of nagging too much or singing gospel songs to pass messages to their old husbands, who might be a bit deaf already anyway.

And, clearly, at that age, old men care less about those small things of long ago, except food, of course. Hence, the mystery of older women running away from their old husbands. So, why are old women finding it harder to stay with their old husbands? Women are redefining and embracing happiness in an unprecedented way.

After children leave home, there’s a shift in priorities and certain women feel less tied to the traditional marriage expectations.

The absence of children notwithstanding, unlike men, women show emotions easily. Men’s aloofness exacerbates the effects of the emotional struggles for a woman to get the attention, to be heard and appreciated by her now older husband.

Being just the two of them in the house, a woman might feel wasted and exhausted since her efforts do not seem to be reciprocated by her husband. In addition, with the tweaking of values and knowledge to redefine what matters in life, women are embracing and practicing the slogan “A day at a time,” seeing that life is as temporary and transient as it can be.

For the lonely MZEE at the supermarket and many others like him, the vagaries of life he is experiencing today are a mystery. As a man, his expectations were thrown out the window and yet, probably his plans were carefully designed and executed. He remembers how he met the apple of his eye way back when a woman would make a man’s heart go gaga for real. The then fiancée and eventual wife looked perfect in every way.

However loud other people shouted about her faults, MZEE knew he was in love and nothing could change that. Even as a young man then, he knew that attraction and falling in love did not go hand in hand with objectivity. Men were attracted to different things in a woman and women likewise. Love is indeed controlled by a supernatural being. And so is LIFE.

Thus, as we ponder the meaning of life, we might be tempted to delve into several things, including the minds of old deserted husbands. Questions of life and love, longevity and the pursuit of happiness remain unanswered even by the old and lonely husbands, but what about the women?

Did they find a new lease on life, or are they simply hanging on to the last bit of excitement they can conjure? Nonetheless, however much we try to decipher the intricacies of physical life, we inevitably wind up disappointed. As mortals, several facets of life will remain hard to understand or comprehend.

For example: Why do the best plans fail? Why do bad things happen to good people? If our destinies are already charted at birth, should we bother shaping our lives? Why is trust so elusive?

And the wonders of the human body – the perfect organs with perfect functions- the mystery of sleepnot knowing when exactly one falls asleep but wakes up anyway.