This city has a shortage of sewing materials

Dear nephew Milambo

Greetings from Dar es Salaam

First and foremost, I take this opportunity to thank Limatunda for his protection, and I hope that this protection has also trickled down to you and your family.

I hope too that the watchful eye of the ancestors has been watching over the lives of all the people of my beloved Ukumbisiganga and the surrounding areas.

And I also hope that the powerful presence of Chief Mirambo has scared away all the evil spirits that might be lurking in my beloved village.

My dear nephew, life in this city is not bad, although as usual the heat is still dishing out its torture to us, and for people like me, I have been beseeching the ancestors to grant us some rain.

Here in the confused city we are all fine, and your dear aunt sends her warm greetings to you and your family, and just the other day she asked me to find out the shoe sizes of all your feet, because it seems she wants to buy some fresh pairs of shoes for you and your family when she comes over next week.

Now I believe that this was a tricky question for me, because unfortunately I don’t even know my own shoe size, therefore I wonder how one can ever know the size of another person’s foot.

If you were to open to me, then I am sure that you too do not know the size of your own feet my dear boy, and I don’t believe that it is a sin not to know, because I always say that as long the shoe can fit the foot, then that should be enough.

But on the other hand, if you believe that you know the size of your family’s feet, then that is a good thing, because you know your aunt, once she sets her mind on something, she never lets go, so by all means you have to send those sizes to her as soon as possible, even if it will involve drawing them on a piece of paper.

I received a call from Aunt Sophia the other day, and she shocked me when she told me that finally my long lost brother Hassan came to Ukumbisiganga for a visit.

I know you do not know this long lost uncle of yours, but I believe on numerous times I have told you stories about him. If he finally decided to visit his village of birth, then it is a good sign, considering that he has disappeared for more than 30 years.

You see son, there are some things I have not told you about your uncle, but now that he has resurfaced, then I believe it is advisable to let you in on a few issues about him.

As you know, as the descendants of Chief Mirambo we all have warrior blood flowing in our veins, but I believe that uncle of yours received an extra potion, because he actually loves fighting, although I hope that by now because of age he has calmed down.

In those days long gone he was responsible for a good number of broken bones when he was there, and when he decided to relocate to Uganda those years, the whole village breathed a sigh of relief.

That is why I was shocked the last time I heard about him, because someone told me that he went and married a Luganda woman who turned the warrior blood in his veins into yellow fluid, because I was informed that the lady turned that warrior into a punching bag.

Anyway, I understand that he promised to give me a call, and I am eagerly waiting for it because he is the only remaining brother that I have, and it will be nice to catch up on lost time, and I think I will try to convince him to come and pay me a visit, and in case you see him, tell him that I am looking forward to talking to him after all these years.

My dear son, as I am writing this, I am spotting a very nasty black eye, which, believe me or not, I got it from your dear aunt, but I want to convince myself that it was accidental.

You see my son, we were invited to a certain wedding the other day, and when we reached there, I realised that the world as I knew it is fast heading to the dogs.

After we sat down and when I was comfortably swallowing a cold beer, that is when I noticed that almost all the women present were in very funny outfits, and believe me son, some of them wore tiny dresses which were made from materials which I believe would not have been enough to make a small shirt for your son.

Your aunt was sitting next to me, and unbeknownst to me, she was observing how I was ogling at these women in very skimpy dresses, but what she did not know was that I was staring at them in shock, not admiration.

And then entered a woman who was practically semi naked, and when she passed by our table, I noticed that the whole of her back was naked, and I was still staring and trying to figure out how she could be comfortable when your aunt gave my face a healthy elbow, right in my eye!

Of course she apologised later after telling her what was actually going on in my mind, but unfortunately the apology could not take away the black eye.

But even with the pain, I still wonder whether these women have parents, because the outfits they were wearing left little for imagination, your mind has to be just a little bit creative.

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