A friend breakup— it sounds so dramatic, doesn’t it? And it is. Breaking up with a friend isn’t always necessary.
There are times when the slow fade works just fine because you weren’t that close to begin with. You don’t always have to entirely cut ties with someone.
Sometimes just reducing their involvement in your life does the trick. That being said, sometimes a true friend breakup is in order. Sometimes, people really show you who they are, it isn’t pretty, and it’s rather clear that you should do whatever you can to make sure this person doesn’t touch your life anymore.
Now, some people end friendships too easily. You don’t want to fall into that category. But, if you know you’re living your truth and this person just doesn’t have the same values as you, you can go your separate ways. Here are events that are grounds for a friend breakup.
Enabling destructive behavior
Unfortunately, since misery loves company, you may have a friend who doesn’t want you to become happy and healthy. Maybe you meet in a low point in your life when you’re drinking heavily or turning to compulsive eating or sleeping with strangers.
When you’re ready to grow and get better, if this friend wants you to stay down with her, you have to call it quits.
Asking you to do something unethical
If a friend asks you to do something that greatly compromises your morals—like asking you to cover up the fact that she’s cheating on her husband or asking you to hide the fact that she’s embezzling money—end that friendship.
Any friend who would ask you to do such a thing doesn’t care about your wellbeing.
Should a friend spread rumors about you, call it quits there and then. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is—it’s proof you can’t trust her. Anyone who will spread rumors has the capacity to be dishonest and manipulative in even worse ways.
Tampering with your career
Like calling your boss and making up incriminating stories about you to get you fired or convincing people to not nominate you for some promotion. Some people turn to such tactics when they’re just angry with someone—but they are emotionally unstable.
Don’t keep a friendship with someone who would do such a thing, no matter how “emotional” she claims to have been and no matter how much she apologizes. She will do it again.
Being shady in business
While simply doing business with a friend is questionable and can often ruin friendships, it can be done. However, even though business should never feel personal, if your friend is shady or unethical in her business proceedings with you, then she has the capacity to be shady and unethical in the friendship.
Only being there for the good times
Don’t keep friends around that seem to disappear the second you need any help. They’re always there for a good time but noticeably MIA when you’re going through something tough and need a shoulder to cry on. Or, when you just need help moving or need someone to bring you soup when you’re sick.
Using you to social climb
If you sense that someone is only friends with you because of whom else you can introduce her to, ditch that friend. That is a flatterer and a vampire. She’ll jump ship on this friendship the moment you fall out of the “cool” circle.
Being consistently unreliable
Sometimes people need to cancel or they just become absent-minded. But if a friend has a serious pattern of doing this, constantly disrespecting your time by cancelling at the last minute, essentially ruining your day, and you’ve talked to her about it and she keeps on doing it, call it quits. Your time is too precious for that.
Flaking for the next best thing So you have plans with a friend for a quiet night in. She suddenly says she’s sick and needs to stay home. Then you learn she didn’t stay home—she went to some high-profile event. She has all the wrong priorities and life and none of the traits of a good friend.
Turning other friends against you
Do you learn that a friend is turning your other friends against you? Making up stories about you saying mean things about them and such? Even if she says it’s just because she was jealous and felt you were spending more time with them than with her, how can you trust this person ever again?
Trying to break up your relationship
Friends can become jealous when you get into a relationship, especially if that friend was basically your surrogate partner before. But, if she tries to break you and a good man up because she wants you for herself, she didn’t really love you. Loving a friend means being happy when she has other loving relationships in her life.
Flying off the handle
Whether it’s in a fit of rage or a drunken state, maybe a friend flies off the handle on you. She says things like, “I wish you were dead” or “I hate you and never want to see you again.” Then the next day she comes crawling back, saying she doesn’t know what came over her. What came over her were deepseated psychological issues or anger problems. And those aren’t going anywhere, any time soon. But you should leave that friendship.
Blatantly lying (and not a white lie)
If you find that a friend has in any way blatantly tried to deceive you, just end the friendship. I don’t mean a white lie like saying her boyfriend never double dates because he’s busy, and finding out he just doesn’t like your boyfriend. That’s understandable.
That’s a sensitive subject that’s hard to navigate. But if she says she didn’t sleep with your brother when she did, or says she gave you a referral when she did not, the possibilities for other lies she may tell are endless
Stealing your idea
So you have a great idea for a business, an app, a product, or a book. You tell your friend all about it and then, low and behold, she goes out and does it. She chose fame and fortune over the friendship. So you definitely shouldn’t choose that friendship.