I SEE dumb people every day, they are everywhere, and they don’t even know they’re dumb.
If you ask me if I know any dumb people in Manzese, I will have a very long list, which I believe should be headed by my domestic thug, the boy who is supposed to be my son.
Scientists have discovered this new species that are believed to have been around since the beginning of man, long before my great grandfather, Chief Mirambo knew he would one day lead a fierce army of the dreaded Ruga ruga who spread terror in the hearts of white men.
This species is now the fastest growing minority in this country of mama Samia, and possibly the world. They are everywhere. Lurking in your supermarkets, airports, government offices and your favorite drinking joints. They are a growing factor in Tanzanian culture. It only takes one to destroy a major company or even…a country.
Just the way scientists took time to classify the early man and decided to call him Homo Sapiens (or is it Homo Habilis?) this time they classified the dumb people among us as Stupidimundos Homosapius. Common folk, such as ourselves, know them as Stupid People.
Another thing that makes people stupid is they don’t think things through. They just blurt out the first thing that comes into their head. Also, they have no idea what they just said.
They say it in all seriousness. Serious face and serious tone of voice.
There was a time my domestic thug, Boyi, followed me outside where I was pruning a tree in my compound, and he told me that he wanted to ask me a question which has been bothering him for a very long time.
I thanked God simply for the fact that the boy had the ability to think, because if he said that it has been bothering him for a long time, it means that he has been spending some actual time thinking, which I found to be a bit encouraging.
I laid down my secateurs and led the boy to some shed, and feeling proud that I might finally share a father and son moment with my boy, I told him to go ahead and ask me any question he had.
“Mshua, I was wondering, and I also wanted to ask mum this question, but decided to ask you instead, who was cooking for you when mum was small?”
Ladies and gentlemen, that is a very good example of a Stupidimundos Homosapius, and he is my very own son, which convinces me that I really need to go for that DNA test!
Anyway, the reason why I gave you an example of a Stupidimundos Homosapius is, as I told you earlier, because their number is increasing by the day, and as I told you they are everywhere, even in our favorite drinking spots, like Zakayo’s Pub.
Just the other day I met two of these Stupidimundos Homosapius at Zakayo’s Pub, and I really felt sorry for the woman who gave birth to them, because they are brothers.
People in my neighbourhood call these boys Aki and Ukwa, because when you see Aki, Ukwa is right behind, and when you see Ukwa, then you don’t have to look far, because Aki will be nearby.
Aki and Ukwa are what we call ‘Machingas’, they are hawkers, they go around selling different things, from used books to utensils, it depends with what their boss has given them that day.
As I told you earlier, a Stupidimundos Homosapius don’t think things through, they say it in all seriousness. Serious face and serious tone of voice, just the way my domestic thug did that day.
Unfortunately, that day Aki and Ukwa were selling ladies’ undergarments this time round, Aki was selling women panties and Ukwa was selling brassieres, or bras as you like to call them.
It is unfortunate too because just before they entered Zakayo’s, a fellow who was built like a prize bull and who made the late Remy Ongala look like Justine Bieber was sitting with his woman at a corner table.
I had been observing the two for quite some time, because it was obvious the lady who looked tiny sitting next to the prize bull was mad at the guy.
It was entertaining to watch someone with that build behaving like a child in front of such a tiny lady, but it was unfortunate, because it seems whatever crime the fellow had committed was beyond forgiveness, as she stood up and left the pub in a huff.
I was expecting the prize bull to go after the lady, but he remained seated on his table, and I could see that his mind was in a turmoil, because his massive hand lifted the bottle of whiskey on the table and put it on his lips, and by the time the hand replaced the bottle with a thud on the table, it was empty.
Again it is unfortunate that it was at that exact time Aki and Ukwa walked in, and after going round the pub displaying their goods, I held my breath as Ukwa wandered to the lone figure at the corner table.
The real meaning of Stupidimundos Homosapius was displayed right in front of our eyes as Ukwa lifted one sexy brassiere and dangled it in front of the prize bull.
The fellow looked at Ukwa with a lost look, but as if he translated it otherwise, Ukwa fished out a screaming red brassiere before the now confused bull, and was trying to convince him to buy it.
Luck was not on the two Stupidimundos Homosapius’s corner, because as I was watching the prize bull changing colour, Aki joined his brother, and like a magician fishing out a card from his hat, he pulled out a pink panty and held it before the enraged fellow.
The thing I forgot to mention about Stupidimundos Homosapius is that they take a very long time to read danger signs, and Aki and Ukwa were not different.
I discovered that a human body can literally bounce on concrete when I watched Ukwa flying above several heads and landed outside, bouncing several times before it came to rest next to a tree.
Aki was still trying to figure out whether all of a sudden his brother had developed wings, but before the answer could be typed properly on his brain, he was airborne and landed a few feet from his brother.
