LEARNING how to balance your romantic relationship and your friendships is a very important skill, but one that very few people have.
So many people spend so much time looking for that special someone, that when they find them, they are so hyper-focused on that relationship that they abandon all the others.
Most of them don’t know that they do this, but some do and just think that their friends will understand – that that’s just what happens when you get into a romantic relationship. But that’s not what should happen.
Your life can’t be all about your romantic partner, all the time. If it is, neither you nor him will wind up very happy. If you don’t nurture your friendships, you’ll lose them, and then you may resent your partner. You may become clingy because he’s now the only person you have to hang out with.
You may even lose some of your personality because having an active social life was a big part of who you were so now, your partner doesn’t even get the real you. And friendships are very hard to come by. If you mistreat friends, they can go away, and never come back.
Once you break that trust and show them that you might just bounce when a boyfriend comes along, they may not give you a second chance. Here are relationship habits that cause you to lose friendships.
Only talking about the relationship
There is so much more to talk about than your boyfriend or your relationship. Even though you’re obsessed with your partner, you have to remember that your friends aren’t. And that they’ve had all sorts of things happen to them since you last saw them – things they want to share. If you don’t give them the space to talk because you just gab on about your relationship, then they’ll stop trying to share things with you.
Bringing the guy everywhere
You want your friends to get to know your partner and you want him to get to know them. That’s fine. But understand that he doesn’t need to have as close of a friendship as you have with them. And they don’t want as close of a friendship with him as they have with you. They’re here for you. You’re their friend; that’s your boyfriend. As such, he doesn’t need to tag along every time you do something with your friends. They didn’t sign up for a permanent third wheel.
Ditching them if his plans fall through
Maybe you make plans with your friends, on a night that your partner had plans anyways. That’s not exactly how your thinking should go, but fine. But then, the night of, your partner’s plans fall through. So, uh oh, now you have an opening to hang with him?! So you cancel on your friends. That’s a fast track to losing friends.
Double booking them with him
Don’t try to get friendship credit by double booking your friends with your partner. For example, don’t show up to the day spa your friend invited you to at 1pm and say, “I can only stay until 2. I’m meeting my boyfriend at 2:30 for lunch.” You know that’s not okay. She invited you for a full afternoon of hanging out. And now you’re just making an appearance.
Speaking like the relationship master
Being in a relationship doesn’t make anybody a relationship guru. When your friends talk to you about their dating problems, they don’t want you to talk down to them, and say things like, “Well, as someone in a relationship, I happen to know that…” Leave the part about you being in a relationship out of it, and just talk to them as a friend.
Your friends will most likely only be there for the tears, the meltdown, and the long talks about a break up one time per guy. Translation: if they cancel their plans to go to your place and comfort you and be there for you, but then you get back with the guy, they won’t like that sh*t. And if that repeats, they may just stop wasting their time on you.
Changing for your partner
If you suddenly change your interests and personality for every guy you date, your friends will really tire of trying to keep up.
Clinging to him in social settings
When you and your partner go together to a social gathering, you spend the whole time just with each other. You sit in one corner, talking only to one another, and not making an effort to talk to anybody else. It’s rude. And it leaves your friends wondering why you even bothered to come. You don’t really get points for showing up if you do that.
Sharing too much with him
Your friends share things with you in privacy. Like things about their sex life, financial issues, and other things that are very personal. Just because your boyfriend is now one of your close friends doesn’t mean he is your friends’ close friends. And they don’t like when you run home and tell him everything that they told you.
Texting him when you’re with friends
If you spend your entire time with friends texting your boyfriend, your friends will probably just stop inviting you to do things. They want you to be present. They want to feel like they’re experiencing something with you, whether it’s a movie or a day in the park. If you text your partner the whole time, it makes your friends feel like you don’t really want to be there.
Tardiness due to conflict
If you’re constantly running late to see your friends because you got in an argument with your partner, they may seriously question whether or not they want to keep seeing you. If your conditions are, “I’ll be on time, unless my boyfriend and I are in a fight” and you often fight, well, that doesn’t bode well for your reliability.
Forcing the double date issue
Your dude and your friends’ dudes aren’t always going to vibe. If you try to push for a double date several times and it doesn’t pan out, just take the hint. Let your friends ask next time. If they don’t like your guy, they don’t want to feel fear that, each time they ask to see just you, that you’ll ask if it can be a double date.