Just like how the official opposition has not found ways to defeat CCM without throwing verbal punches and proverbial stones at the party glass houses, many a disappointed woman has yet to figure out how to hold on to her Brad Pitt once he becomes the star of reality TV in her home. Once upon a time, a hunter caveman would kill his prey and carry it to his cave. Mission accomplished.
Tomorrow is another day to bag maybe another gazelle, deer or doe. Many a modern man keeps doing the caveman act despite astronomical advances in technology and in business management skills. Just goes to show
how difficult it is to take the bush out of man. He snares the chosen or accidental prey, drags her to the altar with pomp and fanfare, takes her home a H e then puts her on a pedestal to be adored, gazed at occasionally, polished and cared for like precious antique furniture. You do not walk around with your furniture to your favourite drinking place, do you? You see, keeping the home front running smoothly like a well-oiled assembly line takes special skills. Those skills are still being learned and refined by the so-called weaker sex, the real home-makers. In the good old days of macho man, the woman easily made her way to a man’s heart via his stomach. Why do you think the woman’s place in those times was the kitchen? To keep bearded Neanderthals from taking the lion’s share of the family meal?
No. It was to entrust women with a secret weapon capable of keeping any wondering man in line. These days enlightened women have abandoned kitchen duties faster than NATO and allies disappeared from Libyan airspace after pulverizing cities like Sirte. How come so many women fail to make men eat out of their proverbial hands without serving a meal so to speak? Neither husband nor wife wears the trousers in the house anymore.
Confused Martians take refuge where they can find it, preferably in joints where eating, drinking and watching football is actively encouraged. Bewildered modern women cannot decide whether to tag along and pretend to be avid fans of Man U, sobbing die-hard supporters of Chelsea FC or melancholic followers of the once-glorious Gunners whose fortunes in recent memory seem to mirror the rise and fall of the mercury.
How do women handle the liberal drinking that goes hand in hand with the spectator sport of soccer on TV? Some tribes of women as those found in Ireland, Britain of past greatness or fatherland Germany can out drink male companions pint for mug without batting
elongated eyelashes. Not an easy feat for the average Venusian. I know a few females of the Homo sapiens species in this land of the Kilimanjaro and Oldoinyo Sambuk who can finish a bottle of Konyagi while cooking the family meal. You may know quite of a few other females who drink like fish, swear like coolies and some more fanatical about the
English or local premier league than European football hooligans. It is their way of coping with changing gender roles and shifting relationships. A woman who loves cooking is, to many sane men, like the rhino horn to Asian lovers. A man who is at home in the kitchen is likewise very attractive to some modern women who would love nothing more than to sit crosslegged on the couch while flicking through movie channels on satellite or cable TV.
Invite him into the kitchen early in your relationship while the love is hot like red chilli. Do not wait until you are safely married with two kids. By then his habits will have set in and he will be avoiding the kitchen as if to go in will infect him with femininitis. A man who cooks in your kitchen will not blame you for late dinner. His kitchen magic will ensure he occupies a special corner of your heart for a lifetime.
Women like to communicate by opening up. Typical man bottles up, grunts and nods his royal assent as if it is a dose of Vitamin A or other micronutrient to be ingested once every six months. Is it necessary for a man to open his inner self to have a great conversation? Probably not. Be comfortable in his many long silences and abbreviated gestures. After all, silence is golden, so why kill the golden goose?
The relationship landscape is littered with frustrated women who tried unsuccessfully to get their men to open up. The time is coming when great conversations even between thinkers, movers and shakers will be measured by twits on the internet via hand-held devices. Will women talk to their blackberries and apples?
Modern woman must fight wisely and strategically. Modern man already lost everything that used to be considered manly. Now man has nothing more to lose. Men need women to accept their simple needs and uncomplicated lifestyle. As they used to say back in my younger days, make love not war.