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Baby making proposals

And when you ask these unserious development partners if they have any intentions of informing their wives of the baby project which I highly suspect they will not be funding they come up with cantankerous murmurings that range from “Oh we will just tell Memsahib it was an accident,” to “It will be a secret baby.”

I may be dumb but I am not ‘Blond oh oh demented’ please cut me some slack. One even had the audacity to tell me that it would make the bond between him and I stronger and in my mind I was like, he could as well have five more children with his wife and bond with mama watoto like super glue.

Where do these male creatures get this irresponsible notion that just because they want to reproduce another version of themselves and I the mother to be, who is going to be left on my own, taking care of the designer baby should be totally excited? We women want hands on fathers not invisible two legged ATM machines that expect you to send in written requests two weeks in advance.

We want expectant fathers who are happy to escort us to the antenatal clinic and rub our protruding tummies while they communicate with our unborn babies. Our idea of a brave man is one who can stand the heat in the labour room and is not afraid of admitting he changes diapers.

Why would I want the headache of playing cat and mouse games with a development partner and his Memsahib all in the name of child support? Secondly when it comes to mentioning the father’s name on the birth certificate do I call him Mr. Forgotten And irresponsible or Monsieur Hit And Run? Or better still Signor Faceless And Nameless.

We seem to make a big deal about preparing the bride for marriage but there are no ceremonies no matter how minor for couples on parenting. Whether traditional or modern there are no reliable guidelines on parenting skills. As a result some fathers think that their role is strictly to score and then provide the material support unwillingly.

Others even have to be coached on what material support is in the first place! And fast forward twenty odd years later, after the baby girl is born the same clueless father would be demanding for dowry once the daughter announces intent of getting married. Guys, I beg; having a baby has much more to do than reproducing yourself and please pray hard the bundle of innocence is actually yours in the first place!

For those of you already in wedlock get to know your own children better and stop looking for trouble behind Memsahib’s back. And sisters if the brother has not put a ring on it and asks for a baby run in the opposite direction like Usain Bolt.


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