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Those girls at the barbershop should be banned

Those girls at the barbershop should be banned

You see, because of the serious airstrip on my head, I have never found any reason to visit the barber shop, and this is because I believe the little hair remaining on my head should not be bothered and should be left to disappear on its own.

There is no need to rush them, I know for sure that soon they will do a disappearing act on me.

There is a time, a long time ago, when about 40 per cent of my hair had disappeared, my wife decided that I should do the wise thing of getting rid of the rest and spot a shiny bald head instead, and she took the initiative of doing the job herself.

She had waited for the day when she was sure I was as broke as an old church mouse, and I was just taking it easy at home, being a bother to no one, when she appeared from nowhere with a new razor blade, and convinced me that she can shave any head better than a veteran barber.

I looked suspiciously at her, because it really required courage to allow mama Boyi to hover around my throat with a new razor blade, so I had to beseech the ancestors to protect me from any harm, but pleaded with them to receive me in their midst in case my wife decided to dispatch me.

To be honest I was very uncomfortable, but surrendered my life to the good Lord and allowed her to shave my head, and I have to be sincere, she did a good job…… professionally, I might add.

I did not like the new look, because you see, naturally my head is big and shapeless, so if you remove the few hairs on it, it made me look like a confused alien who has been left behind by his comrades in their flying saucer.

So from that day onwards I allowed the hair to grow at will, and I am sorry to say that it looked like a farm belonging to a farmer who was very drunk when he planted the seeds.

But a few weeks ago, I was returning home after my collection of metal which is a sorry excuse for a car refused to cooperate and I had to leave it on the streets.

Some of the windows do not close, and actually I cannot remember the last time they did, and because any serious thief will not even look at the junk twice, I was very comfortable leaving it there.

I was walking away from the junk after giving it a good kick when a young man standing outside a shop called me, and when I stopped he came over and in a very respectable voice and manner greeted me.

“Shikamoo baba Boyi, I could not help noticing the problem you were experiencing with the car, and if you don’t mind, I think it will be a good idea to leave it near my shop instead of the street, you never know,” he said.

He pointed his shop to me, and it was a very fancy barber shop, and he told me that they can help me push it and park it next to the shop.

He said that the car will be safe as I go to look for a mechanic to look at it. I told the young man that the car was in no need of a mechanic, it was just moody as always, and after a few hours it will start as if nothing had happened, but I agreed to let them push it to his shop.

He summoned several young men and within a few minutes the junk was comfortably parked outside his shop. I discovered later that the young man is a friend to my domestic thug.

He convinced me to have a haircut “on the house,” he said, and I reluctantly agreed, and I have to admit that he did a very good job.

After he finished he motioned me to another room where he told me that they will wash my head and apply some aftershave, and I have to notify you that the lady who was supposed to do the job had a sleepy look on her eyes.

That girl played around with my head I can assure you, and by the end I was feeling like King Solomon… I have been going back constantly ever since, until someone told Mama Boyi that I was planning to take the girl with sleepy eyes as my second wife.

I did not know about this as I went for a haircut, and the barber was halfway through when the mother of my clan barged in like a Russian soldier kicking a Ukrainian’s door.

What followed was a minor war at the barber shop, and the unfortunate girl suffered some minor injuries, which include the loss of her two front teeth.

I took refuge at Zakayo’s Pub, where I found Jatello and another fellow called Darius the Virus, and they looked at my half shaved head with great suspicion.

There was a woman who looked like history itself, very old and wrinkled, and she was swallowing beer as if she is the one who brewed it, and the Virus was looking at her in a very strange way.

Jatello whispered in my ear that the Virus was madly in love with the woman, and this was after he had swallowed enough beer to float a small boat.

“You look like an angel, with your soft face and shiny eyes… I want to disappear in your love forever,” I heard the Virus whispering in the ear of the giggling old woman.

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Author: ANTHONY TAMBWE

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