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Glass diamonds nearly sent me to poverty

Glass diamonds nearly sent me to poverty

As always, I had a dream…….and in my dream, I was a very rich character, receiving daily calls from presidents, prime ministers, tycoons, while our very own Bakhresa begged me for a hefty loan so that he can expand his business to Iceland.

In my dream, mama Boyi was going to Kariakoo in a brand new helicopter, and her favorite frying pan was made of solid gold….and I remember in my dream I told Biden to pass by my residence for dinner when he was free.

I know it sounds like a very farfetched dream, but you better believe that I had this dream with my eyes wide open, and my mind in a very active and sane state.

I know there are some of you who are starting to believe that baba Boyi is slowly losing his marbles, but the fact is that if you were in my position, I don’t know how wild your dreams would have been, because mine even included hiring Mo Dewji as my house boy…..at least you get a picture of how wild that daytime dream was.

For those of you who know me, then you know that I secretly harbour ambitions of becoming a Mheshimiwa one of these days, driving in a massive car someone once called ‘Viete’, the cars which have a reputation of swallowing serious fuel once you turn them on.

That is why I recently went to the capital city of this country called Dodoma, where the prefect of all the waheshimiwa could be found, the fellow we call Mr Speaker Sir, so that I could convince him to lobby for me so that I can also hassle him in parliament.

I am sad to inform you that my mission failed because after all my efforts of meeting with Mr Speaker Sir, the one who controls the round building called parliament, told me in black and white that I had no chance of becoming a ‘Mheshimiwa’, and this, he said, is because my motives were not straight.

You, see, I told Mr Speaker Sir, the main honcho of the round building, that I was seriously considering vying for a parliamentary seat simply because I envy some of those fat fellows who take naps live on camera.

“You see Mr Speaker Sir, unless you are one of those guys who belong to the Bongo movies, it becomes difficult to take a peaceful nap for hours and get paid hefty allowances for it, that is why I want to take a chance and go for it myself, believe me, the cameras in the round building will love my sleeping face!” I told him, and he flatly told me to get lost before he summoned security.

Anyway, before I left, I told him in plain language that I would rather vie for a parliamentary seat when he finishes his term as the ‘Mr Speaker Sir’ rather than sharing the same atmosphere with him.

That evening as I was making plans to return home, I decided to report to Chako ni Chako, that place which is famous for roast chicken, for a cold swallow before I go and pack my bags, and I stumbled upon Sudi, that fellow I told you about who has so much restricted information he should be put behind bars.

Sudi has a very hungry look, and I have a feeling that when he was growing up, his mother starved him constantly, that is why he resembles a scared mouse.

“Baba Boyi, I am glad I met you, because I have some information which can transform your life instantly and turn you into a stinking rich fellow. I assure you when you hear what I have to tell you, you will know for sure that you will be in a position to hire the son of the president as your gardener!” he said.

I asked him what information he wanted to give me, and he forced a very dry and fake cough. I knew this meant that before parting with any information, I should make it my responsibility to irrigate his dry throat with enough frothy liquid to float a small boat.

After swallowing five very cold bottles of the Ilala product, Sudi opened up, and told me that his brother who lives in Shinyanga had called him earlier in the day, and informed him that he has some serious diamonds.

He told me that his brother, who has a very sick wife at home, is in possession of a large number of stones worth billions, but he is ready to part with some of them for a considerable amount.

“Baba Boyi, my brother was an altar boy when he was growing up, and he also used to sing in the local church choir, and apart from that, he was almost ordained as a bishop before nature took its course!” In short, he was telling me that there was no way his brother was going to short change me, considering that he was a very religious person with the fear of God stamped in his heart.

Sudi went on to tell me that his brother informed him that he has a ‘mzungu’ client who usually buys diamonds from him and later sells the same load at exorbitant prices abroad.. “to the tune of billions……but this mzungu is coming back in one month’s time, and my brother needs the money now because of his sick wife,” said Sudi with a fake tear at the corner of his eye.

He convinced me that once I buy the diamonds, instead of selling them to the mzungu, he can make arrangements so that we can go and sell them abroad. We called his brother, and he told me that the amount of diamond in his possession when sold abroad can fetch up to 800 million, and in case I establish my market, I can be able to do that kind of transaction twice a month….even three times a month….he said.

The next thing I knew, I was in a bus heading to Shinyanga, with my mind concentrating on the prime plot I have in Mbezi Beach, which I knew could fetch a handsome amount in case I decided to sell it a short notice.

God has always been on my side, because when were still haggling with the guy at a place called Bakulutu, a certain fellow waited until Sudi’s brother had gone to the toilet before coming to my table, and in a very urgent tone, he cautioned me that I was about to buy glass at a very expensive price.

“you look like a nice fellow, and when I saw you with that guy, I knew exactly what he is trying to sell, he is a notorious conman who has conned people of serious money in this area, so be careful,” he said and walked away. You can imagine what happened to the conman when he walked in from the toilet!!

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